The "Keeping it Real" Post

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It all began with this wonderful post by Christie, who linked her Mother-in-Law, the amazing, Travelin' Oma and started a revolution in the blogsphere. I recommend reading both posts because they are amazingly written and inspired me to see if I could, "Keep it Real", as well.



One of Christie's challenges was for us to post a picture of ourselves without makeup. I think it is very telling how fearful I was to accept this challenge. That's not to say that I don't grocery shop or run errands without makeup, but, as you have probably already surmised, I rarely post pictures of myself on this blog because I want to look what I consider, "my best" (oy, whatever that means) online.

So, let's dissect this picture. My stringy unwashed hair and double chin, though they never thrill me, weren't the hardest parts of my physical appearance for me to post. The challenge came in the fact that my eyelashes are not curled and slathered with mascara. I never feel presentable without properly curled eyelashes. (Read that as having my eyelashes bent into 90 degree angles so that they are even noticeable.) Many people have said that Little John got his eyes from me but that is simply untrue. His long eyelashes are all Mike, as I have to put copious amounts of mascara on mine after they have been bent curled properly. I almost cheated and curled my eyelashes in this picture because, hey...curled eyelashes aren't makeup, per se...but I realized that wouldn't be, really and truly, "keeping it real."

When I first began to mentally compose this post I realized that I sometimes have a problem with sharing too much and some of the things I share could probably be considered, "in poor taste". So, I will try to stick to things that I usually don't like people to know about me...even though I probably flatter myself that everyone hasn't figured out already most of what I am going to say about myself.

1. I often feel the need to justify and qualify most of the things that come out of my mouth...which leads to...




2. I can be very immature. If I feel wronged in some way I have a problem with sounding like a young child as I relay my feelings to a third party. It isn't rare to hear me say something along the lines of, "Well, I only reacted that way because she...(fill in the blank). or, "I did that because he hurt my feelings", etc.




3. I am defensive about my parenting. That's not to say that I can't take direction. If my children are misbehaving in some way I want to know about it and I want to be an approachable parent. I also want school and church teachers and church leaders to know that I don't want them to be afraid to instruct my child when in their care...what I mean is...if somebody takes issue with how I parent my children in general I really struggle with it. I can't stand when I feel like someone is judging my parenting.




4. I am noticing that all of these kind of go hand-in-hand...because the next thing I want to confess is that I realize that I am too permissive as a parent. I am not sure why it is such a struggle for me. (Here comes the justification, folks...) It isn't like I want to be my children's friend over being a parent to my them, I understand that line, it's just that I am a pushover at times because...well, it's almost as if saying, "no" seems so negative...like I am not allowing my kids to just be kids, or something. I get it...I know being too permissive is dangerous. Don't try and correct me though, because, as mentioned before, I will become defensive. Now, the fact that I am too permissive doesn't mean that I don't yell at my kids. I kind of feel sorry for my boys. They are probably in a perpetual state of confusion because I send them very mixed signals.




5. I want very much to be service oriented but sometimes I am resentful when I am asked to perform an act of service. What? I can only serve when it is convenient for me? Disgraceful.




6. I am vain. Not only are my uncurled eyelashes hard for me to present to the world...I have been known to stress heavily over the fine lines and wrinkles forming around my eyes. It really is ridiculous...I should be grateful for eyesight and not worry so much about something so vain.




7. Do you remember knowing a girl that was always annoyingly asking everyone, "Are you mad at me?" Yeah, I'm that girl. It isn't rare for me to call someone or send someone an e-mail after we have interacted in some way to make sure that I haven't said or done the wrong thing. Actually, you probably already all know this because you have all received a call or an e-mail.




8. I am fiscally irresponsible. Okay, here comes the justification...I don't just go out and buy whatever I want or anything...I just don't worry about being responsible the way I should. I know the prophets have counseled us time and time again to avoid debt but I just...well...don't care...and I know I should. I just feel like there is never a reckoning day for fiscal irresponsibility. The only reason that I don't ruin us financially is, well, I am a bit of a goody-two-shoes and I want to follow the prophet because I know I am supposed to, not because I have done the work to gain a testimony of following this counsel...and because I don't want poor Mike's heart to fail and for him to die young because he IS fiscally responsible.




9. Sometimes I let what people think of me as a parent affect my parenting itself. I have been known not to let my kids wear what they want because I am afraid of what someone else will say or I try and curb their behavior so that people will think I am a good parent. It really isn't right and I know it is confusing to my children. At times I am too permissive...at times I am too harsh...and, at times I am only strict so that I look good in the eyes of others.



10. I can be very unforgiving. I am not petty or easily offended but I struggle with forgiving others when I feel that I have been truly wronged. We know from the scriptures that we are to forgive everyone and that the Lord will choose whom He will forgive. We also know from the scriptures that we are to, "do good to those that despitefully use" us. I find this a very tall order and I really need to let some things from my past go. I wish I were more like Mike and let things just roll off my back.



11. I never want anyone to come over to my house because I am always afraid that it is never clean enough for company. When someone is coming over I stress myself out to make my home picture perfect. My expectations of a perfectly clean home are not realistic but I still make myself sick with worry. Once company arrives I am always glad that they came...so I don't know why I obsess like I do.



12. I have a mean temper. It takes a lot for my temper to surface but when it rears its ugly head mark. my. words. you had better...run for cover...hit the deck...do whatever you can to save yourself. The times that I have allowed my temper to overtake me are huge sources of shame in my life.



13. I often times want to punt our cat. I am not saying that to be funny, as it is (sadly) very true. I need to write an entire post chronicling all of the reasons that our cat deserves to be punted, or at least artfully drop kicked out of our house so that I can justify myself properly.



14. I have been watching entirely too much television and have not been making good choices with what I have been viewing. My justification is that I have never been home with just one child since Evan was a baby and John's breathing treatments take about 40 minutes at a time to administer (when he had pneumonia he had 4 breathing treatments a day, sometimes 6,) but that doesn't really matter. I don't need to be watching some of the things that I have been.


15. I blog entirely too much. Well, what I mean is, I don't post on my own blog enough but I read and comment on way too many blogs. It is an addiction and I should probably do something about it...but I prefer to be in denial about my problem.

Well, I'd better quit because, while I could share more, my other ideas would probably be considered an "over share". Consider yourselves spared.

It will be interesting to see how quickly I actually put up another post so that the hideous picture of myself won't be at the top of my blog.

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