I Should Update More Regularly. Parenthetically titled: (Back in the Hospital)

My sister Stephanie took this picture. (More on her visit, later.) Sweet little John has grown so much. Lookie at the beginnings of an actual double chin.

Little John came home after a 5 day hospital stay (from Friday July 17th until Tuesday July 21st) and was home for 12 days before having to be re-hospitalized early this morning.

His apnea monitor alarmed this past week (the first time on Tuesday July 28th at 5:30a.m.) and I tore down the hallway to make sure he was breathing. I don't think I have ever moved more quickly. I checked him over and he was sleeping soundly and his little chest seemed to rise and fall normally. I reset the monitor stood over him for, well...I don't know how long...to make sure he was okay and finally went back to bed even though I was unable to sleep. Can you imagine not being able to sleep? The doctors told us to take note of any time the apnea monitor alarms but not to call unless it alarms repeatedly.

I was nervous and shaky the entire day of Tuesday July 28th and hovered over John while he napped. I called Mike at work repeatedly to try to calm my nerves and have him reassure me. I remember jokingly saying to Mike through tears, "I have asked John Daniel nicely 5 or 6 times why he quit breathing this morning but he refuses to tell me. I'm thinking of grounding him." (I even cooed at John that day, "Don't you do that again, Mister or it's Time Out City for you, got it?") Mike reminded me during my calls how we were told by the doctors that sometimes the monitor will alarm and if we check the baby and he is breathing to reset the monitor and try carry on with our day. ("Try" being the operative word used in those instructions.)

Having a preemie has proven to be a full time job. Well, I am of the opinion that all newborns, even full term ones, are a full time job, but what I mean is-- I am very grateful that I don't have to work outside the home because I don't know how a mom would be able to have a job in the work force and go to all of the doctor appointments that a preemie's life outside of the NICU requires. Little John had 5 doctor appointments this week and many of them lasted from 2 to 3 hours each. This week he visited:

• The nephrologist: (Kidney specialist). John has some swelling in his kidneys. We are told that this is common for preemies but has to be monitored. His blood work is showing that he has high amounts of potassium in his system and which can be indicative of major problems so the nephrologist did some tests to check if the medication he was prescribed to bring the potassium level down was successful.


• The pulmonologist: (Lungs and Breathing specialist) to see how his oxygen levels were doing for him and check his overall lung health.


• The Opthamologist: (Eye doctor) Being on oxygen can detach the retinas in the baby's eyes and cause blindness. John has to have frequent appointments to make sure that there has been no detachment while he is on oxygen.


• The neonatologist: to check his overall progress since being released from the NICU.


• The pediatrician: To check his weight, overall growth and overall health.

While we were at the pulmonoligst's office on Thursday July 30th I was feeding John and the apnea monitor alarmed again while we were waiting for the doctor to see us. (Luckily we were already in the examination room and it didn't alarm while we were in the waiting room. That would have been added stress and stares from strangers that I am thankful that I was able to avoid.) I jokingly thanked Little John for being conveniently located for an apnea spell. (I mean, if you are gonna stop breathing the pulmonologist is the place to be, right?). I told the doctor what had happened as soon as she came into the examination room and after checking him over she assured me that she wasn't overly concerned since he was breathing well and his color looked healthy and pink.

The thing about the apnea monitor is...well...it is highly sensitive...so sometimes if the baby stops breathing to do something as innocuous as sneeze it may alarm.

This morning at about 2:00a.m the apnea monitor alarmed and Mike and I both tore down the hallway to find John sleeping soundly. We reset the monitor and stared at him for a few minutes and it alarmed again...we reset it again and waited for a longer period of time. His color looked good and his breathing didn't seem overly labored so after waiting and watching (and worrying) we headed back to bed. When it alarmed the third time we decided to call the pediatrician on call (we were instructed to call in if the alarm sounded 3 or more times in a 24 hour period. The alarm had sounded 3 times in a time period of an hour and a half.) When I walked into the kitchen to get the phone the alarm sounded AGAIN and this time we could see that he was not breathing at all. I went to turn the monitor off and it kept sounding indicating how serious the situation had become. In the past I really felt like the loud alarm must have caused the baby to breathe because it sort of snapped him out of his apnea spell.

Mike yelled, "He still isn't breathing!!!"

Mike is always so calm under pressure. When we were trained in infant CPR we were told that if we checked the baby and he did not appear to be breathing to thump his foot and pull his hair and if that didn't cause him to take a breath to begin chest compressions. When the alarm sounded and could not be turned off Mike flew into action and pulled little John's hair. John cried out in pain and began breathing again. Hearing his little yelp was a truly beautiful sound. We called the doctor and Mike and John headed to the emergency room at about 4:oo a.m.

John was admitted to the hospital shortly upon arrival and the doctors have begun a myriad of tests.

It sounds utterly ridiculous to say this because what could be more crucial than breathing, right?...but John has been progressing in many arenas beautifully. He has gained weight well and seems to have learned to suck and swallow with efficiency. (As mentioned before, preemies are born to early to have the instinct to suck and swallow). He is able to maintain his body temperature which is also a concern for preemies.

I broke down and sobbed after Mike headed to the emergency room this morning. I began to play the, "what if" game as in, "What if he didn't have the monitor?...would he have died of S.I.D.S. this morning?" I tried to calm myself as quickly as I could...which, of course, is more easily said than done. I realize asking myself, "What if" is not healthy or productive. I am prayerful that everything will be okay and ultimately feel that, though it is going to take a long time to get a lot of these, as the pediatrician calls them, "preemie problems" managed, in time everything will be okay. Right now I am feeling overwhelmed and kind of crazy, though.

Well, I should specify...when I say, "crazy" I mean more so than usual.

Thank you so much for all of your concern and prayers. If you could be so kind as to send some more prayers our way we are happily and gratefully accepting them.