Sacrament Meeting Behavior

To anyone reading this post that doesn't happen to be Mormon, (Ohhhh, I feel like a journalist), Sacrament Meeting is the name of our main worship service on Sunday.


Before I begin the following diatribe, I should probably mention, in fairness to my sons, that for the most part their behavior on Sunday has been acceptable. The key words used here are, "for the most part".



This picture was taken last Sunday before church. Don't my children look angelic? Yeah, uh-huh...read on...

Recently, we have been experiencing...um...shall I say..."behavioral difficulties"...

Firstly, my children seem physically unable to whisper. When I remind them that they are not whispering, they speak just as loudly in what would be best described as "hissing" at each other. Though I appreciate the attempt at whispering, the whisper/hissing is very distracting to the other people seated around us, in about a 3 row radius. We have had Family Home Evening lessons devoted to the practice of being able to communicate, in what would be considered, an actual whisper...to no avail. Though every member of the family is able to demonstrate a proper ability to whisper by the conclusion of the lesson...once we enter the chapel doors all prior training is abandoned.








Lately Brian, has attempted to snag more than one piece of Sacrament bread. This is a matter of great concern for both Evan and Adam. As the tray approaches our row...both older boys begin to adamantly "whisper/hiss" , "Just take 1 piece, Brian!!! Just one piece!" I would really appreciate Evan and Adam letting me handle the situation as I deem necessary, because when they command Brian to do something it pretty much ensures that he will do the opposite. Because the older boys have been so loud in their "whispered" instructions to Brian...I can't help but be aware of all of the congregation members in the aforementioned 3 row radius, paying close attention to whether Brian will take just one piece of bread. Yeah, you guessed it...that boy will cram at least two (if not, three) into his mouth to prove that his brothers aren't the "boss of him!". I get a mixture of dirty looks by some, and polite chuckles from others, to let me know that Yes, we are being watched because we are a major distraction.
(actually...in all honesty, only one person gives me dirty looks~ and I feel I should mention that all of her children are grown and gone, and ...if she happens to be reading this, please Sister, cut me some slack...I am trying...) Editorial Note: I was only brave enough to add that comment because I am fairly certain that she is not reading this.


Adam seems unable to keep his blessed feet off of the hymnal holder attached to the back of the pew in front of us. He managed to unhitch it from the pew, more than once, on one particular Sunday. Luckily for him, it is easy to re-attach...but I have begged the child, repeatedly, to put his feet down. The last time I told him to get his feet down my sarcasm took over, (it rears it's ugly head at the most inopportune times) and I said something along the lines of , "Boy, get your feet down, this is not your family room!!!!"



I know it may be coming across that I am exaggerating for comedic purposes as I write this, but I promise that all of this is true. Now that I have stated that, I am ready to share that several Sundays ago, my Brian, was GARGLING the Sacrament water. I did not whisper...I hissed at him, "Swallow It!" He kept gargling, with smiling eyes, and so... I did what I had to do. I plugged the little turkey's nose shut so he would either swallow the water...or drown. Along those same lines, each week we resume the eternal struggle of making sure that Brian throws his Sacrament cup in the proper cup receptacle. (the trays that hold the cups have built in slots to dispose of the little plastic, as Jessica brilliantly described it, 'choking hazard/noise-maker' cups.) Brian will strive to keep that little cup with every ounce of strength he possesses. If he manages to keep the cup because I am distracted by, I don't know, actually trying to pray and feel the Spirit, he will eventually crush the cup and make repeated crinkling sounds that are positively deafening to me.


We have strategically re-positioned ourselves on Sunday so that Mike can see us from where he sits on the stand. I chose our new seat so that I can shoot Mike withering stares and he can shoot the boys warning glances...or daggers from his eyes, as the situation demands. I am ashamed to admit it, but I actually uttered the words last week, "If Daddy has to come off of that stand...so help you!" It wasn't an idle threat, because I truly reached max point when Evan, my usually helpful 10 year old, slipped to the dark side. He made Adam angry by using Adam's shoulder to click a pen into a writing position instead of quietly clicking it open with his own thumb....and then he did the unfathomable.....Each week, Brian asks me to draw him a picture of Batman and Robin. I am not a skilled artist...but I oblige him, and he usually seems happy with my artistic attempt. Last Sunday...Evan had the audacity to cross out Batman and Robin and write, "Joker is Better (so much better)" next to them. As you can imagine, Brian tried to kill Evan with his bare hands...right there in the pew. Brian couldn't read the words but, he knew that Batman and Robin had been scribbled on, and crossed out. I'll give you "better" Evan! You are 10 years old, son. You know, better!


Seriously...What's a mother to do?

Sons...I love each of you, so much. Please, don't drive me to drink. As a Mormon woman, I have to adhere to rules that forbid that sort of thing.